An emotional affair is when someone invests and receives emotional companionship and care from someone outside their relationship. In an emotional affair, someone experiences sexual chemistry with the other person and also feels connected to them in one way or another.
This kind of relationship usually begins with a genuine friendship that later develops into something else. It becomes confusing because more often than not the people involved cannot tell where the line of friendship ends. The emotional affair begins because they are deeply and emotionally invested in each other.
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What does an emotional affair mean to a man?
To a man, an emotional affair is a comfort zone. A place they can be themselves and open up the parts of themselves they usually keep inside.
This is more so for me because they are more emotionally closed off as opped to women to tend to be more emotionally available.
People that experience emotional affairs find it difficult to detach themselves from the other person even at the cost of their relationship. This is because of the chemistry that exists and the bond they have built between them. The danger with an emotional affair is that they quickly lead to physical intimacy and very few relationships make it back from this level of betrayal.
Is An Emotional Affair Considered Adultery?
No, an emotional affair is not considered adultery in divorce court. This is a matter of opinion depending on whom you ask background and culture considered. In many cases, emotional affairs are just as damaging to a relationship or marriage if not more as compared to physical affairs. Simply forming an attachment with someone outside of your marriage does not constitute adultery and although isn’t wise advised or encouraged does not constitute grounds for adultery.
Signs Of An Emotional Affair.
- Frequent contact with the other person.
- Constantly sharing information.
- Secrecy
- Unfair comparison with your partner
- Constantly thinking about the other person
- Inappropriate sharing
- Feeling connected and understood by the other person.
Frequent contact with the other person.
Having frequent contact with the same person outside your marriage in search of understanding, compassion and emotional support is a clear sign of an emotional affair. In truth, these are things you should be seeking from your partner and not someone outside a relationship so the fact that you are reaching outside of your relationship for such emotional understanding and not turning to your partner could indicate signs of an emotional affair.
Constantly sharing information.
Most emotional affairs begin like any other form of friendship but the line gets blurred further on as the two people feel more connected and begin to share their lives. That in itself isn’t a problem, the problem comes in when you replace your partner with someone else, and instead of seeking an emotional connection with your partner, you replace them with the other person who most often than not you feel attracted to and share a deep bond. When you share information and reveal part of yourself to someone else, something you neglect to do with your partner, it signifies an emotional affair.
Secrecy.
Keeping secrets from your partner especially when it comes to the other person you feel connected to is another indicator of an emotional affair. This is because most people know when they are doing something wrong or coloring outside the line but they continue to do it in the hope their partner doesn’t find out. The fact that they hide the connection means they know it’s wrong and the level of secrecy that’s involved indicates they’re having an emotional affair and they are aware of what is going on otherwise why to go to great length to hide it.
Unfair comparison with your partner.
Someone having an emotional affair usually compares their partner to the other person and often in favor of the other person. Someone involved in an emotional affair usually neglects their relationship or marriage in favor of their newly formed attachment to another person. This means that any form of comparison will go against their partner because of the excitement of the new bond they share with someone else. They feel more connected and more understood and for that very reason inclined to support them.
Constantly thinking about the other person.
Constantly thinking about someone other than your partner in a sexual way or in connection to the feelings you have for them is an indicator that you are having an emotional affair with them. If you constantly think about someone else other than the person in your relationship, it’s a clear indicator that you are emotionally involved with this person.
Emotional Affair Vs Physical Affair.
This is the part where emotional affairs are far more dangerous than physical affairs in that someone that’s having a physical affair only thinks about the other person when they feel the need to be intimate with them whereas an emotional fair is constantly present in the other person’s head. They constantly think about the other person what they’re doing, how they feel, and make plans in their head for the next time they see them. This level of involvement is far more dangerous and a lot harder to break.
Inappropriate sharing.
Certain things happen between a couple that should only remain between them. This bond and level of trust should never be broken. When this level of trust is broken because of a connection that exists outside the relationship it leaves the other person feeling betrayed. When you start sharing parts of your relationship with someone else with whom you share an emotional connection, it is a clear indicator that you are favoring that connection over your relationship and that you are involved in an emotional affair with that person.
Feeling connected and understood by the other person.
Another sign that you are having an emotional affair is feeling connected and deeply understood by someone outside the relationship. When you constantly seek someone else’s opinion, approval, and justification over matters involving you or your relationship it means you trust them and that you share a deep connection with them. Constantly feeling drawn to someone else attracted to them and thinking about them often is a sign of an emotional affair.
Impact Of Having an Emotional Affair.
There are several ways having an emotional affair can impact you or your partner and most of them, not in a good way. To some people having an emotional affair is just as bad if not worse than having a physical affair. This is because the attachment involved with an emotional affair is difficult to break overnight and often lingers on for a lot longer.
Here are some of the impacts of having an emotional affair.
- Ignoring your partner.
- Often leads to sexual tension.
- Lack of trust.
- Disconnected.
Ignoring your partner.
When someone is having an emotional affair it often leads to them ignoring their partner especially when it comes to emotional matters. This is because their needs are already being fulfilled by someone outside the relationship and they don’t feel the need to connect with their partner in this way. This leaves their partner feeling alone and unable to form a meaningful bond because they are not emotionally present for the relationship.
Often leads to sexual tension.
One of the more common impacts of having an emotional affair is that it often leads to having sexual chemistry and physical intimacy is almost inevitable. When this line is crossed a lot of relationships don’t recover and this is the beginning of the end of the relationship.
Lack of trust.
When someone discovers their partner is involved in an emotional affair it leads to a lack of trust in the relationship. Trust is one of the fundamental parts of any relationship and once broken is difficult to recover. It is very heartful when you discover your partner is involved in an emotional affair because more often than not it’s someone that you know about either from their work or social circle. It causes tension within the relationship and can lead to the end of the relationship.
Disconnected.
Emotional affairs often leave someone disconnected from their relationship because they are not emotionally present to support their partner or get involved in the things that bring them together or Build their relationship. This is worse for the other person because they feel like the relationship is not fulfilled but even worse have no idea why things are not as they used to be.
Why Do People Have Emotional Affairs?
People usually have an emotional affair to feel connected to someone and share parts of themselves they usually don’t open up to most people. This affair usually feels easy and the bond is built on friendship and naturally develops into something more. Usually by this time they are too attached to the other person to end it. There are several reasons why people get involved in emotional affairs and the most common one is it usually starts as a friendship that developed into something more unexpectedly. Suddenly you look at someone differently and you feel connected to them.
The other major reason why people get involved in an emotional affair is that they are seeking something that is missing from their relationship. When someone is lacking an emotional connection from their relationship they tend to seek it somewhere else or be open to the possibility of finding it somewhere else. Couple this with the fact that most people don’t believe emotional affairs are as bad as having a physical affair it makes it acceptable in most people’s minds to get involved emotionally with someone else while in a relationship with another.
Conclusion.
Emotional affairs are damaging to a relationship far more than most people realize and it is always best to find comfort and a connection within your relationship rather than seek it somewhere else. If it’s something you cannot overcome together as a couple it is always advisable to seek professional help to help you open other possibilities into creating and much deeper bond with your partner.
