The best way to love parents so hurt you is to accept what happened, find a way to forgive them, and figure out how to move on with your life either with them or without them.
It is often difficult to understand how relationships that should be so natural become so strained. A good example of this is between a parent and their child.
For most people, the relationship exists automatically and is one of the deepest emotional attachments anyone can have.
Parents are usually so loving and protective towards their children. But it is not uncommon to find relationships that are so emotionally distant they barely exist.
There are many reasons why a relationship between a parent and a child and become so strained for example,
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Lack of support from parents.
Lack of support from parents is one reason that can cause a relationship to break down.
This can be in several ways. For example lack of emotional support or failure to recognize a child’s accomplishments. Without the parent’s approval, it leaves a child feeling inadequate, unwanted, and alone.
Failure to accept themselves.
If either the parent or the child is unable to accept each other for who they are, then this can cause a breakdown in the relationship.
For example, if the parent is trying to change who their child really is in terms of character and behavior, it can cause feelings of disappointment and this can stay with the child for a long time.
Another reason is if the child doesn’t approve of the parent’s decisions whether towards them or the family it can cause a breakdown in the relationship.
Neglect.
This is another reason that can cause a relationship between a parent and a child to break down. If a parent neglects their child whether physically, emotionally, or mentally, it leaves a gap in the relationship. Neglect leaves the children emotionally scared and this can remain with them for a very long time.
Abuse.
Abuse is perhaps one of the big reasons that can cause a parent and their child to go separate ways. Abuse comes in several different ways for example physical, emotional, and even phycological.
Lack of support or attention.
Children need attention and support from their parents. It is a way of learning and approval that helps to build their relationship. Lack of attention and support can cause the relationship to break down.
Over expectations.
There are parents who expect way too much from their children. This might be a way of teaching them how to be responsible adults or maybe trying to get them to understand something but this added pressure can sometimes cause a gap between a parent and their child. The child often feels that they can never do enough to please their parents
How do you deal with parents who don’t love you?
The best way to deal with parents who do not love you is simply to accept the situation for what it is and find a way to move on. This will undoubtedly be a difficult thing to get over.
A good way to approach it might be seeking some professional help in order to understand and gain the right tools to overcome the situation and move forward with your life.
Tips On How To Love Parents Who Hurt You.
- Acknowledge the past.
- Learn to forgive.
- Recognize it will take time.
- Make time for each other.
- Recognize it’s not just about you.
- Set boundaries
- Invest in personal growth.
- Learn to trust each other.
- Be honest about your feelings.
Acknowledge the past.
The best way to build a relationship with parents who disappointed you is to first acknowledge what happened. Everyone will have a reason to explain their actions but whether or not they share it with you is a different case altogether. If so, try to understand and accept each other.
If your intention is to build a relationship with your parents, you have to acknowledge the past, accept it and find a way to move on. Depending on the history of your family both parties need to be willing to move on from the past because the one-sided relationship almost never works.
Learn to forgive.
It is almost a given that the reason why your relationship is strained is that something happened in the past. In order to move on and have some kind of meaningful relationship, you need to learn how to forgive your parents for whatever it is that happened. This is usually easier said than done but it is the first step to building a meaningful healthy relationship.
Recognizing it will take time.
When dealing with a broken-down relationship you need to understand and accept that it’s going to take time to build. It is difficult to mend years of pain in just a few weeks.
Manage your expectations and take small steps towards healing. For as long as your efforts are working towards progress and building a healthy relationship with your parents it will make sense in the end.
Make time for each other.
It is not easy but if your intention is to have some kind of meaningful relationship, you need to make time for each other. This doesn’t have to be too often but making time allows you to talk through things and connect.
Trying to understand each other is a good way to make that initial step. This could start small for example, birthday parties, or spending time over the holidays. But it will go a long way in mending a broken relationship.
Recognize it’s not just about you.
It is important to recognize that it is not always about you. Sometimes the need to reconcile with your parents is more about them than it is about you. It is not uncommon for parents to regret their ways and seek forgiveness.
And I say this knowing that some things are harder to forgive than others. But if it’s something that you can work to move past, then sparing them the guilt could ease their pain and regret.
It could also be for your children who have a desire and need to get to know their grandparents. Recognizing that your past is affecting your future will encourage you to take steps in order to reconcile and find a way to move past it.
Of course, this is not always easy and straightforward depending on the nature of the relationship or your history. But it is important to recognize that your inability to forgive and let go of the past could be getting in the way of your hope for the future.
Set boundaries.
Another way to build a relationship with parents who hurt you in the past is to set boundaries with each other. This will help you maintain the nature of the relationship you seek and it helps you understand each other much better.
It is not always easy to set boundaries with your parents because the dynamic is usually the other way round. But you need to realize that you’re not a child anymore and you need to structure your life the way that works best for you.
It is also important to point out that if this is going to work, it will take some compromise from everyone involved. This might be difficult to do but it’s necessary in order to develop a more functional relationship.
Need to be very clear and direct about your boundaries. It can not be suggestive. Remember the point of these boundaries is not to make life impossible. So it’s not about making demands but rather creating a healthier environment for everyone involved.
Invest in personal growth.
In order to develop a more functional and healthy relationship with parents who hurt you, it might be beneficial to invest in some form of personal growth.
This could be In terms of therapy in order to learn how to deal with a past, forgive and move on, or simply ways of enriching your life. Whatever helps you deal with the pain and disappointment of the past will be beneficial.
Learn to trust each other.
Because of the history that exists between you and your parents and depending on the damage that’s been done, You have to learn how to trust each other again.
This involves giving each other the benefit of the doubt and learning to take chances with each other. It is much easier said than done but taking small steps every day will help you get comfortable with one another.
Be honest about your feelings.
Moving forward, it is important to be honest about your feelings towards each other. The more you talk about what you’re going through the easier it becomes to understand each other and find solutions to the problems.
Keeping secrets will not help your relationship. Making an effort to be as open and honest with each other although painful Sometimes, will help you develop a much better relationship with each other.
11 Best Ways On How To Love Grandparents.
Conclusion.
It is not going to be easy to try and reconcile with parents who hurt you. There is no doubt learning to love parents who hurt you is a difficult task, but in order to move on with your life, it might be necessary for you to learn how to forgive. The relationship between a parent and a child is one of the most crucial relationships anyone can ever have.
This is because it aids in development and learning. This is part of the reason why it is so disappointing when it breaks down. But the good news is that with true hard work and personal development some of these relationships can be repaired.
A study conducted on June 12, 2012, by the Society for Personality and Social Psychology revealed that a father’s love contributes as much to a child’s development as does a mother’s love. This further highlights the importance of repairing broken relationships with your parents.
I hope you all enjoyed reading this article and I hope you brought some value to your life.
Sincerely Yours.
